Jury Duty, 2005

A blast from the past, by popular demand:


The setting: one weekday last June, at about 2 in the afternoon, at the corner of 46th & Judah.
The action: sitting at the bus stop waiting for the southbound 18 bus is a young woman with her baby in a sling carrier. Up walks an old guy with a cane and a bunch of grocery bags. He sits down near her and gushes over the baby. Then another old guy walks up and greets Woman w/Baby by name. We’ll call him “Scary Drunk.” He’d spent the morning in the park, drinking either a six-pack or a twelve pack, and there may or may not have been some vodka, too. Woman w/Baby & Scary Drunk have known each other for years, it seems.

Accounts vary, at this point, but Scary Drunk seems to have decided that Cane Guy was bothering Woman w/Baby. Words were exchanged, and then Woman w/Baby got up and walked Scary Drunk out of the bus shelter, where they stood talking.

The bus finally comes around the corner at Lincoln onto 46th, and everyone starts collecting their things and generally rustling about, as people do when they see the bus coming. Cane Guy claims that at this point, Scary Drunk was telling Woman w/Baby that she’d ruined her life by having a kid so young (she’s twenty). So Cane Guy butts in to tell Woman w/Baby again how precious babies are. Scary Drunk tells him to butt out. More, and uglier, words. Scary Drunk makes scary drunken threats. Cane Guy pulls a sword out of the cane and points it at Scary Drunk. Scary Drunk tries to kick it out of his hand, but, being drunk, misses. Cane Guy goes around Scary Drunk, pointing the sword at him all the while, and then Cane Guy gets on the bus. The bus driver tells him to put the sword away.

Scary Drunk gets on the bus right behind Cane Guy. Cane Guy sees Scary Drunk getting on and pulls another knife from a belt sheath. Scary Drunk gets as far as the fare box at the top of the stairs when Cane Guy tries to stick him in the side with the knife. He's not getting much penetration, though, so he switches to an overhand motion, and slices Scary Drunk through the ear, the neck, and the shoulder. At some point, Scary Drunk also picked up a defensive wound on his forearm. Scary Drunk just stands there for a minute as Cane Guy backs off. Woman w/Baby, who was right behind Scary Drunk on the bus stairs, encourages Scary Drunk off the bus and gets him to lie down at the bus stop until the ambulance arrived. (Net injuries were a lot of blood, a few cuts, and a partially collapsed lung.) Bus driver tells Cane Guy that the police have been called & tells him to get off the bus. Other passengers follow Cane Guy off the bus, then follow him home, & point out the apartment to the police.

Cane Guy was claiming self defense. Sadly for him, the bus was equipped with four cameras and a microphone. We, the jury, noted the long list of ways Cane Guy had to get out of the situation that didn’t involve putting Scary Drunk in the hospital, and convicted Cane Guy of assault and battery.