This isn't right

I got to work at nine. Talked to N for a few minutes. She'd been to see Prince Caspian this weekend, and I offered to lend her my copy of The Golden Compass. Then I went to grapple with the USITC's bad excuse for a search function.

Around 9:30 or so, C came in, set her stuff down, and went right to K's office and shut the door. They were in there a while. When they came out C was crying and K looked like she was about to start. K asked us to gather round. Then she told us all that Mariana had died this weekend in a car accident. Jaws dropped. The only sound was C sobbing.

K went down the hall to spread the bad news. The rest of us went back to our desks and stared blankly at nothing. C told us that Mariana's husband had asked her to tell K and the rest of us, because he couldn't face it. Mariana had gone down to LA this weekend as a favor to a friend. The friend wanted company driving back, or some such. On the way back, near Kettleman City, someone came across the median at them. Both Mariana and her friend were pronounced at the scene. It can't have hurt for long, I guess.

We drifted about the office, no one knowing what to do or say. All I could think of was, "this is a mistake," and that didn't seem helpful. I wasn't especially close to Mariana. We didn't have interests in common. But you know how they always say, "everybody liked her"? In this case it's true. Everyone did like her. She was generally cheerful, reliably pleasant. She was kind to everyone who crossed her path. She was quite good at her job. Sometimes she'd stop at my desk to check out the latest pictures of "Jack-Jack." She and her husband were putting off having kids; she wanted to go home to Brazil to raise their children, I think he wanted to stay here near his family. She spoke three languages I know for sure, and probably at least two more.

About eleven, I couldn't take the sound of crying any more and went to go look at the ocean.


I just keep thinking:
This isn't right. There must be some kind of mistake. She wasn't hurting anyone.

Randomness is so fucking pointless.