When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure clarified your attitude toward him. You have given a definite answer to a definite problem. For better or worse you have acted decisively.
In a way, the next move is up to him.
- - R.A. Lafferty
Bedtime reading: Iron Tears, R.A. LaffertyToday's earrings: irons, anchorsI went up to a tree to give advice to two young birds trying to construct a nest. This was obviously their first venture.
"You are going about it all wrong," I told them. "First consider that this will be your home, and then consider how you can make your home most beautiful."
"This is the way they've always built them," said one of the birds.
"There must be an element of utility, yes," I told them. "But the dominant motif should be beauty. The impression of expanded vistas can be given by long low walls and parapets."
"This is the way they've always built them," said the other bird.
"Remember to embody all the new developments," I said. "Just say to yourself 'This is the newest nest in the world.' Always say that about any task you attempt. It inspires you."
"This is the way they've always built them," said the birds. "Go build your own nest."
- - R.A. Lafferty
The Camiroi have a corpus of proverbs. We came on them in Archives, along with an attached machine with a hundred levers on it. We depressed the lever marked Earth English, and had a sampling of these proverbs put into Earth context.
A man will not become rich by raising goats, the machine issued. Yes, that could pass for an Earth proverb. It almost seems to mean something.
Even buzzards sometimes gag. That has an Earth sound also.
It's that or pluck chickens.
"I don't believe I understand that one, " I said.
"You think it's easy to put these in Earth context, you try it sometime," the translation machine issued. "The proverb applies to distasteful but necessary tasks."
"Ah, well, let's try some more," said Paul Piggott. "That one."
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, the machine issued abruptly.
"But that is an Earth proverb word for word," I said.
"You wait until I finish it, lady," the translation machine growled. "To this proverb in its classical form is always appended a cartoon showing a bird fluttering away and a man angrily wiping his hand with some disposable material while he says, 'A bird in the hand is not worth two in the bush.'"
"Are we being had by a machine?" our leader Charles Chosky asked softly.
"Give us that proverb there," I pointed out one to the machine.
There'll be many a dry eye here when you leave, the machine issued.
We left.
- - R.A. Lafferty
"It was Clement VIII who made a Christian out of coffee," said Hans. "It was considered an infidel drink in Europe till he gave it sanction. And the objections to it were that it was non-alcoholic. It has the social leanings of alcohol but it shirks its responsibility. You can sit and drink it for hours and not have to be carried home; this makes coffee a greater encourager of loitering."
- - R.A. Lafferty, Archipelago
The look of indignation on the face of that artifact was matched only by the total outrage of her whole figure. Oh, she was a mad one! She was the comic masterpiece of the Oganta Collection. If only stone could speak she would be shrilling. She was a newly catalogued item among the grotesque alien stonery called the Paravata Oneirougma.
"You'd almost believe that she was alive!" was the laughing comment of many who watched her here in the display. "Oh, it's that she was alive once, and now she is furious at finding herself frozen in stone."
But that was the whole missed point of her outrage: she wasn't alive; and she never had been.
- - R.A. Lafferty
"What are you, darling? Where's your costume?"
"This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else."
- - Caroline Thompson & Larry Wilson
Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
- - John Phillips
"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail
"There's a porpoise close behind us and he's treading on my tail
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle - will you come and join the dance?"
- - Lewis Carroll
Dude 1: ...had a baby two weeks ago...The practical pattern may be what it's been for the past twenty years, but the ideal has shifted: a new dad is supposed to be home with the newborn. Awwwww.
Dude 2: That is huge! Congratulations!
Dude 1: ...yeah...been crazy...[lengthy unintelligible]
Dude 2: But what are you doing here, and awake? You should be asleep or tending to the babe.
Dude 1: I had to go back to work this week... [unintelligible]
Hi ho!
Hi ho!
Hi ho! Hi ho! Hi ho!
Hi ho, Hi ho
It's off to work we go
Hi ho, Hi ho, Hi ho
Hi ho, Hi ho
It's off to work we go
Hi ho, Hi ho
Hi ho, Hi ho
Hi ho, Hi ho
Hi ho, Hi ho
Hi ho, Hum
Hi ho, Hi ho
It's off to work we go
Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho, hi ho
- - Frank Churchill
