In which we discover that my priorities are not all one might hope.

Yesterday, I checked the real estate section on Craigslist (as I do on a Sunday) and found a posting for that apartment I wanted so badly and couldn't get financing for. It's been relisted. I was having trouble breathing, so I called M and said "ohmygodohmygodohmygod" for a while. She was very soothing. With her help, I managed to read the post carefully enough to figure out that there's no lottery this time: the first application complete with mortgage pre-approval gets the apartment. Which means... ohmygod... I have a credit card... this could work... OH NO WHAT IF SOMEONE ELSE GETS THERE FIRST! M did that soothing thing some more. I called the selling agent, and he said yes, I'd have to complete a new application. He also pointed me to the list of approved lenders and the list of additional hoops I'd need to jump through. I tried calling a couple of the lenders, just in case, but it was still Sunday. This morning I tried again, but didn't get far. I joined the crew at M's, and we headed off to Walnut Creek.

Maggie's memorial was packed. The parking lot was full, the big banquet hall was full - we brought in extra tables, and there were still people sitting in chairs lined up against the walls. T spoke, Maggie's friends and coworkers and neighbors and fellow travelers spoke, and everybody told lovely stories of Maggie being fun and happy and kind with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. Nice lady, our cousin.

After, I went home and got a banker on the phone. She was a little dubious about my shortness of credit, but not discouraging. I also made an appointment to jump through some of those other hoops. I'm not trying to be zen, because, well, yeah. Instead I'm going with a "magical thinking has no effect on outcome" stance. Either I can get financing, or I can't; either I will be the one to submit the first complete application, or I won't. I have taken all the actions that I can take for right now. And the rest of it I can't control.

But wish me luck anyway.


Today's earrings: scarabs

Bedtime reading: Strong Poison, Dorothy L. Sayers